“I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I’m afraid I’ll stutter.”—It’s Kind of a Funny Story (Ned Vizzini)
I still feel like that ugly girl deep down. The one that no one wanted, but he does. He tells me all the time and sometimes I can’t believe him because I know who I am. The girl who can’t win. The unloved girl.
I will last a lot longer than 7 years. I feel it in the way he talks to me. I feel it in the way he still wants to hold me even when we fight. Even when I hate his guts but not really, I still know we will be granted the wish of being together happily forever because we started slow in our growth and there’s so much nutritious ness in the soil we planted our love in. We still have a lot to learn about each other but were happy. And we’ll stay happy. So pretend he will leave me the way he did you. If that makes you feel better, go ahead. I know he loves me.
I’m a person who obsesses over little things. I think that would make me compulsively obsessive? Anyway, what I mean to say is that I obsess over little things like how much I like the shape of anthony’s hands. they’re smooth and i love touching them with just the tips of my fingers. I love how his hands fold and how his thumbs stick out. I love how his forearms match his shoulders. I love how no matter what mood im in he can always put a smile on my face just by this look he gives me. I love his mouth. I love how he pouts when he wants a kiss. i love his eyes. his eyes say so much. i love his skin. i like touching it a lot. his back, his feet, his thighs. oh god don’t get me started on his thighs. i love the muscles right above his knees. i love his “logs” as I call them. he has very thick legs, they remind me of tree trunks or logs. I love that he keeps his nails super short and I love the way his skin smells in the morning. I like how his voice changes when he wants to talk professionally to someone on the phone. we do fight over stupid things. we sometimes don’t understand each other. sometimes we get tired of each other. most times i just want to cuddle with him. he’s mine. he’s not hers. i didn’t take him from her. he stopped being hers long before i came. he wanted me the moment we met. we haven’t stopped since. we keep grabbing and growing together. we keep thriving. i’ve done so much for him and he’s done so much for me. we love each other hard. we live for each other hard. that won’t ever change. i am so excited that we’re engaged and i can’t wait to be married to him for the rest of my life.